Australia Realises Wait For New Government Actually Just Wait For More Disappointment

The possibility of Australia's hung parliament being resolved by tomorrow has many citizens celebrating the end of what has been considered a disappointing election all-round. An election was called shortly after the ascension of Julia Gillard to the leadership of the Labor Party, securing herself the 'Prime Minister'-ship (as well as the Prime Minister Ship; a specially design yacht used for relaxation by every Prime Minister since 1956).

With approval ratings for Labor soaring to brush the underside of the moon in comparison to those of the Coalition it appeared to be a sound political move to signal an election. However a series of leaks from the Labor Party-Room (woo!), which would have sunk Noah's ark, in combination with an all-round sub-par election campaign run by both major parties, the playing field was soon levelled.

"It was an incredibly poorly timed move. It's just like moving your Queen easily within reach of a Knight!" exclaimed chess enthusiast and unqualified political commentator, Jakob Tines.

"It was as if only Labor had a Queen and then the Liberals took it!" he continued, blithely unaware that a game of chess can, in fact, be won without the use of the Queen (Ed: Though it helps immensely).

When the deliciously uninformed Australian people went to the polls on Saturday 21st August 2010 a hung parliament was the result. For any of those readers who have apparently been able to avoid the general media excitement over this fact, a hung parliament is a term given to a parliament where neither the Liberals or Labor hold the majority number of 76 seats. Additionally those disenchanted with the state of Australian politics also hang themselves in the event of a hung parliament, further defining the name. In such a case the major parties are forced to woo the independent candidates like a nervous teenager embarking on a date with someone who may just help them lose their making a majority in government virginity.

Apparently unable to choose between the carbon copies that are the Liberal and Labor parties, the three country independents have been stricken with indecision.
"It's hard to choose," petulantly whined Tony Windsor "On one hand we have media attention on us for an extended period of time; which I love, might I add. And on the other the formation of a government and we fade back into relative obscurity...".

The effects of the childish indecision of the independents has once again reignited a gravely misplaced interest in the state of Australian politics, and only now do we begin to see the effects.

"Hang on a second!" said Tobias Hurtly, whilst watching the television set, "Once those guys decide we just end up with a disappointing government just like before."

"Man, I gotta tell someone." he whispered under his breath, imagining he was part of a political thrilled novel.

In other parts of the population similar discoveries were being made pointing to a dystopic future society where politics is little more than choosing between different names for the same thing on a ballot sheet.

"If the Abbott government gets in," said spokesperson for the Labor centre-very-extremely-slightly-left moderates, "He'll be just slightly too right wing in comparison to Julia Gillard"

The oh-so-very-close-to-the-centre-but-still-a-little-right Liberals spokesperson echoed a complementary statement. "If Gillard gets in she'll be just a smidgen too far to the left", he said as if needing to rearrange his mantlepiece.

"An offshore processing plant in somewhere that's not Nauru? She's basically a Communist!" he nonsensically added.

I asked professional political commentator and misanthrope John Keston about what he considered the views of the more extreme conservatives and liberals to be. "None of them are happy about any government getting in," he explained.

"Don't even get me started," he snapped when prompted for more information.

But what does the general public think?

"It's a little bit shit isn't it?"